Seth Meyers called out Trump’s suggestion that immigration lotteries were rigged, after an early August rally at which the president feigned pulling murderers and rapists out of a hat.
“That’s not how it works. Countries don’t put people in the lotteries. People enter themselves. And it’s not murderers saying ‘The police are closing in — I better make my escape by entering a random drawing!’” — SETH MEYERS
“It sounds like he’s picking his cabinet. [Imitating Trump] ‘Bank robber. Oh, a murderer. Oh, you guys — you guys, we got a cannibal.’” — SETH MEYERS
“Guys, some 2020 election news — Democratic candidate John Hickenlooper is considering dropping out of the presidential race. ‘Don’t do it,’ said absolutely no one.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Hickenlooper has struggled to gain traction and is considering ending his presidential bid and entering the race for Colorado’s Republican-held Senate seat. Bravo! Bravo! Good for you! I like that. You see, finally, a man willing to step up, put aside his ego and do what is good for the country. That guy should run for president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“On Sunday, The Denver Post published a poll saying Hickenlooper would lead other Democrats in the Colorado Senate race by 51 percentage points, which shocked Hickenlooper — he did not know poll numbers could have two digits.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“When he broke the news to all his supporters, they were like, ‘Cool, Dad, thanks for telling us.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“It makes sense — right now he’s polling at zero percent. I’m not saying his campaign is in bad shape, but even the guard who fell asleep watching Jeffrey Epstein is at 2 percent.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And he’s put a lot of thought into this, and he’s taking the idea of dropping out seriously. In fact, last weekend, Hickenlooper hopped into Senator Michael Bennet’s car to discuss his impending decision. Bennet listened to Hickenlooper carefully, then thoughtfully replied, ‘Who are you?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The pop singer Alessia Cara did her best Amy Winehouse, Alanis Morissette, and Billie Eilish in “Wheel of Musical Impressions” with Jimmy Fallon.